


Desperately safe

by Taniushka12



Series: Stories of the man who fell in love with the monster at the "unknown" side of the map (that also loved him back) [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Human/Monster Romance, Light Angst, M/M, The Lonely - Freeform, Trust, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22055692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taniushka12/pseuds/Taniushka12
Summary: Mikaele needs to take a rest from his job (from his life, as well) and goes to the only place that he knows he'll be safe.A beach in the middle of nowhere, with the voice of his old lover asking him to stay.
Relationships: Peter Lukas/Mikaele Salesa
Series: Stories of the man who fell in love with the monster at the "unknown" side of the map (that also loved him back) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1598566
Comments: 11
Kudos: 27





	Desperately safe

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is set in the timeline of another peter/salesa / lonely trinkets fic of mine but i haven't finished it yet (10k words and counting!) so here's the gist of it:  
> This is set on their late forties and in the other fic they met around their thirties, had a weird friendship going on and off seeing each other a couple of times per year for Years and catching feelings despite salesa's distrust towards avatars and peter's lonely nature.  
> (And then peter got into the ritual stuff & salesa started feelin Bad ~~like the ep doomed voyage~~ and the rest is history)
> 
> Name from a track of Off (game)

Every once in a while, Mikaele Salesa needed a well-deserved rest. Away from the rotten cargo he carried on his back, away from the monsters that made their way into his life and his job, away from the people that trusted him and that yet kept dying one by one despite his best efforts. (Away from-

Not the memories.

He never let him reach that far.)

It was hard to rest when he kept glancing over his shoulder when he was alone, he learned with the years; in the business you were never truly alone and therefore never truly safe, and even when you could be genuinely alone that only meant you were trapped once more.

Or at least, that would mean, if he didn't personally know the heir of the lonely.

And it was strange, the knowledge of being trapped at a monster's will but knowing that he was safe from (and _with_ ) him. Maybe that was what trust meant. Maybe...

He walked aimlessly through the greying sand, blowing with his mouth to see the fog swirling around him, never quite reaching him but curling at his sides like a wanted dog. The sound of the waves crashing down the shore being always a calming sound to him, even after all those years.

—How peaceful.

He said to the silence, wondering why there weren't bird sounds thrown in the mix for the whole aesthetic, wondering if to truly be alone he couldn’t share space with neither people nor animals, wondering how much control Peter had over that whole place, and looked at the sea in deep thought.

—How quiet.

A memory of his early childhood rose to his mind, the vague feeling of dread at the night sea for how vast and lonely it was, and then a new apprehension when he was informed of how utterly full of life it was. Not to say it was dead now; black water with shining white flashes at his feet, the sea would never die no matter the scenario, but there was something odd at the thought that right there, right now, the sea was completely devoid of life.

He shivered at the thought and stepped off the water, sitting down in the sand and looking up at the sheet-white sky. It Was peaceful. The fact that nobody could harm him there.

—I like it here, y'know? —He said, not with complete honestly but without lying either. It was nice to feel safe every once in a while.

—Then stay. —Spoke a voice from behind the fog, and Mikaele smiled a slightly crooked smile.

—Can't do.

—Why not? What's out there for you?

—Can't make money if I'm here, not everybody has a rich family.

—Mikaele, —The fog got thicker by the hushed name, but he just took a deep breath, preparing himself for that conversation yet again—, I could give you all the money you've ever wanted, you know that. You wouldn't have to deal with the hardships of dealing with meddling costumers and cursed objects and _people_. Stay here with me.

—That's a bit of a contradiction, isn't it? For the place, and you.

—I don't mind if it's you.

—Don't think that's how it works.

—It works however i want it to work.

Mikaele laughed a sharp laugh, and the fog started clouding the sky.

—You know I couldn't be an avatar, and much less from the lonely. I like people too much for that. Plus I'd get bored, and you _know_ that.

—But Mikaele, you do like being alone. You can't trust anyone but yourself, and you don't _have_ to... I know how you feel every time we meet, you love being alone more than you realize. —Closing his eyes he hummed.

—Sorry Peter, but as much as you’d like to think otherwise, being with you is far from being alone. —The silence that followed was tainted with offense, and he couldn't help but laugh at him, swallowing down the fact that he had a couple of points. Namely, he did love—. Hard to feel alone when a voice answers despite not talking to it.

—Who says I can’t stop?

—Hm, you could. But you'll answer eventually. I know you.

A pointedly long silence followed, and he shrugged again. He let his head rest on the soft sand as the waves crashed in the distance, and as the fog gently licked at his wounds. It hurt, that part, feeling pangs of emotion and seeing images of people that were no more than that now. It was cold as well, but after the uncomfortable warmth of the real world he didn't mind that specific thing.

He didn't know how much he spent like that, laying on the beach until he turned to the side, eyes still closed, letting flow the thought of how he had needed the solitude and the peace. He was tired. He needed to rest. And time worked strange there, so what was a day anyway, or more? He fell asleep at some point, with more ease that what he would usually find.

Peter once told him about his childhood, once upon a time, about how he’d ran away and search and hide in places far removed from any humanity, so it wasn't any surprise to find a tall cliff in the distance when he kept walking and walking for a while. It stretched tall into the sky, a dark figure breaking the chilling whiteness of it, and he wondered for a second if that place had been always there or if Peter put it there for him to find.

The climb was long, and he kept himself accompanied with his own comments - _I really do appreciate the scenery, but I'm not as young as I was once, these legs can only go so far_ \- knowing Peter was surely around to hear them despite being keen on not answer him. When he reached the top he could see the black sea stretching miles and miles into the horizon, wind blowing high and ruffling his now short hair as the fog curled around him, seemingly follow him wherever he went. If he focused he could see a thick forest behind him, but it was hard to see behind the mist.

—Beautiful. —He mused despite himself, and despite the slow sinking feeling that always tried to pry into his heart whenever he spent too much time on Peter's whitespace.

Hours, days maybe, he couldn't remember for how long he's been there, sun unchanging and unmoving in the sky. Another man would have been consumed long ago, or their fear so thick that it would feed his unfortunate dear friend for a long time, but as he said in the past, he was never truly alone there. He couldn't sense him, but he knew Peter was there with him, watching and waiting like a hunt animal or making sure he wouldn't dissipate he couldn’t be sure, but he knew **he** was there, and that was enough.

He felt the cold stick to his shirt and the cliff's edge was closer that he would anticipate, and despite the wind and the crashing against the rock Mikaele knew that if he ever dared to fall he wouldn't be harmed, simply sinking in the dark water like the cold embrace of a lover. And it almost sounded tempting.

—Peter. —He spoke out loud, to the world around him—. I think that's enough. Take me out of here, will you?

Time passed, the monochrome beacon of peace and loneliness strong around him while the wind rocked him gently, until the ground beneath his feet turned into metal and the rocking was to blame for the sea below it. A familiar room lay before him with that same coldness that he felt before, if weakened, as he heard the rumbling of the machinery in the walls and the footsteps of people in the distance. He let out a soft sigh.

He wasn't a fearless man like Peter used to believe he was, but when he carefully reached with his hand to the silent space behind him to immediately feel crisp hair, he was genuinely relieved. Feeling his arms circle him across the stomach wasn't expected, but it was always a nice surprise. Being with Peter he didn't take anything for granted, but more often than not he proved again and again that despite it all he was, for some reason, as safe as he could be with him.

Arms tightened in what he could only think meant possession and he rolled his eyes.

—Someday you'll fall, Mikaele.

—I really doubt that. You couldn't turn me into the lonely without some influence and I know you wouldn't.

—Now, that's presumptuous. Why wouldn’t I?

Mikaele turned to face him, a mirror of his current situation; heavy lines tracing his eyes and mouth, and his dark hair peppered with white by the passing of the years. But his most striking feature were his eyes: the cold black marble that wasn't as plain as when he first met him, way before he got into that weird ritual business, but shinned with fog and swirled furiously like the sea back in that beach.

And yet.

There were reasons why he hasn't drowned yet. Maybe the same reason why he kept coming back and why he trusted him despite his better judgement. It hangs in the air as Peter's arms kept circling his lower back and Mikaele took a hold of his neck, kissing him softly before smiling.

—Thanks for letting me sleep there, had a rough couple of weeks with my last cargo, you know how it is. —Peter hummed lazily, and for a fleeting moment Mikaele appreciated that... emotion sucking quality of him, not quite wanting to go back to the complete failure that was his last job.

—You're always welcome here. —Welcome to stay, as well, welcome to be part of that world, his world, welcome to understand and be a monster. Well. More than he already was, he guessed, perhaps.

He knew how it all went now, a man from the crew would knock and he'll eventually leave, feeling like a stowaway on the other's ship and hope their next by-chance meeting happen in the near future. But until then, he rested his face on the crack of his shoulders and felt the inhumanely slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

And it was quiet, and cold, and peaceful. And he did love, despite it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat based on a [text post i made at 4 am](https://yaboyspodcastpalace.tumblr.com/post/189858949062/like-imagine-youre-a-guy-who-deals-w-fucked), but also bc I think a lot about... the nuances of trust and love when you're a paranoid person on a sea of monsters or when you're a monster craving solitude  
> Also bc im cheesy and dramatic xoxo
> 
> Hope you liked it!!
> 
> PD: Also, I made a [quick drawing](https://tanis-drawings-2point0.tumblr.com/post/190779399755/id-drawing-of-mikaele-salesa-taking-a-nap-right) of this story if anyone wants to see it :D


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